So this blog entry is going to be very embarrassing. If you are someone that is related to me, or related to my boyfriend, I suggest you not read this entry because...well, lets just say, you're not going to want to know.
Anyways, here's what happened. I was sitting in bed with my boyfriend talking with only my underwear on. (Bra and panties)I looked down at myself and started pointing out all my body flaws. I pointed out how I have small fat rolls underneath my breasts when I sit down. I pointed out the fact that I have a six pack of fat. Before I knew it, I started bawling. Tears fell down, and no matter how hard I tried to stop them, I couldn't.
My boyfriend kept telling me how I was crazy, and that I look good but I couldn't believe him. Later on I told a friend of mine what happened, and she told me that it is all in my head and that I'm tiny. No matter how hard I want to believe them, I can't. When I look into the mirror I see nothing but fat. Could it be because of all those times that I got called fat by friends/family?
While on this topic...let me share a being called fat story. This story is pretty recent. Even though it makes my mom sound like a horrible person, and even though she and I don't really get a long that great, I want everyone to know before I write this, that she is not a bad mom, nor is she a bad person. So one day we were in the car and we were talking about clothes. I decided to tell her nicely that her outfit wasn't too flattering. Now I didn't know how to write that, but trust me, when I told her that, it was not mean in any way. I just know that if some outfit make me look bad, I would want to know. So that's why I told her when we were alone. So shortly after I told her this, she said, "Well at least I'm not fat like you." Then she reached over to the passenger seat and grabbed my fat.
I was mortified. Of course I broke out in tears. What else could I have done? So, that's a bullying story for the day.
Going out tonight. Really nervous. We are going to a club, and this club is known for having beautiful skinny girls there. After all that happened today with my body image, I am really scared. I hope things go well.
Even though it is a bad picture, I decided to post a picture of me as Janet. She wears just a bra and a slip for most of the movie, so that's me.
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